When do you become an “adult?”

Traditionally an easy question, right?  You’re an adult when you reach age 18.  However, you don’t have the full rights of an adult at 18.  You can’t buy tobacco or drink alcohol until you’re 21.  The expert I know on international standards says it’s even more complicated than that.

The expert tells me that the international standard definition of an adult includes more than just age.  The expert says the international standard stipulates that one must be married at least once in order to become a full adult.  The expert says that this standard exists because getting married and having kids is a core part of what it means to be a human being, implying that failure to do so means you’re not acting like a human being.

The expert also says that while people can be friends with each other prior to becoming an adult, the international standard stipulates that nobody should be dating each other until men are 35 years old and women are 30 years old.  And then they have one year to fall in love and get married.  So men should be married by age 36 and women should be married by age 31.  And apparently it’s even more complicated if you have siblings, because you and your siblings need to get married in order by age, with the oldest first.  Because if a younger sibling gets married before older siblings, then people will think there’s something wrong with the older siblings that haven’t gotten married yet.  And so, as a result, the older siblings will have trouble finding a significant other and thus might never get married, resulting in going through their entire life without becoming a full adult.

According to the expert, the international standard states that it is shameful and disgraceful for men not to be married by age 36 and women not be married by age 31.  It also shows disregard for their parents and it means the person in question and their parents are laughingstock in the world’s eyes.  So once people reach the right age, the expert says they need to be spending every second outside of work trying to find the right significant other so they can work toward marriage and becoming a full adult.  In addition, the expert says the international standard states that failure to get married is a sign of mental illness, which implies it should be a condition that is listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders that is used by psychologists and psychiatrists to diagnose mental illness.   The expert further says that anybody who failed to get married and become a full adult at the above mentioned ages should be considered to be in an “urgent life-threatening emergency crisis.”

The expert says parents should be sad, disappointed, and disturbed if their children fail to meet this international standard.  The expert also believes that parents should consider the possibility that tragedy will eventually befall their child because they’ll be all alone with no one to rescue them or ensure their safety or help them get well when they get sick.

Meanwhile, the expert says that during the dating stage, because parents know what is best for their children, regardless of how old the children are (so even if the child is 70 years old and the parent is 90 years old, for example), the children must provide their parents a full detailed report of what happened and what was said during every interaction between the child and their girlfriend or boyfriend.  If the parents don’t like what their children tell them in their reports, then it is the parent’s right and responsibility to tell the child to end the relationship and the child must comply.  Children must also provide their parents with a photo of their girlfriend or boyfriend or allow the parents to meet them in person.

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